Even the ill never rest.

Sick? What do you do when you're sick? Lounge on the couch and eat ice cream in your PJ's?  Sleep all night... AND day? Or do you just curl up in a blanket and sit, unmoving, staring into space? Well for people like me we do a little bit of all thoughts things from time to time. The only thing we can't seem to get right is the unmoving part of it. For us being sick feels the same as a normal person would feel when they are ill. However, imagine being sick and having no choice but to move. For most, I know that  exercising while feeling down in the dumps is never fun. When we tic it is like full time exercise, nonstop, no choice, just movement. Some of us even tic in our sleep (believe me i'm proof). So when you are sick you may be able to sit and not move but we can't. And I have to be honest, it kind of (really) sucks. It makes me think to myself, "As if having the flu is bad enough go ahead brain. Feel free to make me need to squeak even though my voice is gone, feel free to make me jump even though I have no energy to even sit straight, and feel free to make me suffer with the pain that comes when I just can't muster the strength to tic." Then after I realize what I just thought, you know what I do? I bang my head against the wall, fling myself to the ground, start whacking myself upside the head with a yard stick............................................. Ok maybe that's a bit much. What i'm trying to say is that it just goes to show that no matter what happens, what ever we are going through, whether it is a flu, a cold, or just a BAD bad day, we ticcers don't give up. So that thing in our head, you know, the one we call a brain. Ya... well news flash. That is ours. So if it is ours and it has made its living working inside us its only fair that we are the boss. We control it because we are just to strong and to determined to let it dictate the way we live our lives. Our brain is OUR BRAIN and it WILL NOT control us. So what do you say.... Are you in?

Exitement has its price but it's one we can afford.

Today is Easter morning. My family and I will be taking a two hour trip to go see family. Now if you think to day should be fun, exiting, and an all around good time you are right. Those three things is what gives today the potential to be a very hard and long day for me to get through. With my T.S. I often have sever anxiety attacks when overstimulated. The problem is for me it doesn't take much to trigger one of these well known attacks. For anyone a two hour trip is difficult enough, then add loud obnoxious family (that you love with all your heart of course), commotion all around, and a two hour drive back home when its all over. That in its self would send even the sanest of people into a tail spin. Think what it is like if you add the tics and anxiety on top of all of it. It gets to be difficult. People are all around you, they are all yelling over one another, you start to hyperventilate and freak out. You cover your ears... it doesn't help. You just want to run and cry and not look back. You know that isn't an option however. So you put in your head phones to relax you and drown out the noise. Take a step outside for some air. Take pit stops on the way to where you are going. And most importantly, smile and stay positive. Knowing your limits and what you need to do to help yourself if things get overwhelming is almost a necessity for people like me. As for everyone else, well, just being supportive is enough to make us feel that much better. So what do you say... Are you in?

A Ticcers Brain, Bodies, and Feelings.

Our minds and bodies work like clock work. Our feelings don't. All humans have something about them that is different. However, in  some people that thing, that difference, is just a little bit more noticeable. So if everyone has a difference why do only some get teased? Why do only some get slain with words and others don't? It is because the lower self-esteem you have, the smaller you feel, the less you will try to fight back. The more confident you are, the more you show the world you are ok with who you are, the less people want to make fun of you. Bullies want their victims to be weak. Why? Because bullies want to make there victim feel bad knowing that their victim won't try to fight back. They want a person smaller than they are. Now if you think about it the solution seems simple. Just be more confident with who you are. In fact though it is harder than it looks. Confidence, sadly to say, isn't just programed into you like some other emotions. It has to be learned. And when a person spends their whole life being shot down when they keep trying so hard to stand up, confidence won't be a known thing. It will be a foreigner. But if the ones of us that have enough confidence to spare can help just one person who needs it, we would have a lot more confident people in this world. A lot more confidence means a lot more smiling happy faces, and a lot less bullies. So all you confident people out there, what do you say........... Are you in? 

"Tics" hurt bad, Words hurt worse.

What does it feel like when I tic? It hurts...... I get a burning pain all through my joints, up and down my muscles, and the only way to relieve this pain is to, yes, tic. Imagine lifting a weight. Try to remember that burning feeling that you get through your arms legs and abs.  Then try to feel that relief, that "aaahhh", you get when you finally drop the weight. That feeling, the burning (x10) is what I get when I need to tic. Only imagine that burn not only through your arms and legs but in your eyes, lips, tongue, teeth, throat, stomach, toes, and even your finger and toe nails. Imagine needing to find a way to make that burning just go away. You would be surprised how limited options might be.  And the things that You do find relieve the pain don't last long and are NOT fun. It is like a matter of life or death though. Either you do something not fun or you suffer with sever burn and pain and suffer. In the end however it is almost like a sneeze. It is eventually going to come out and you holding it in is only going to make it worse when it finally cant stay in any longer.  You just wish they would some how... disappear. Though I know it wont ever do so. So instead of changing who I am so you are ok with it, I choose to make you more aware so that you will understand me more. Because in the end i cant change it, so why feel sorry for it. This is how i was made, there is no escaping the fact.  But the more you know the more people like me can sleep at night knowing that the world is trying to acknowledge our pain, see it, and is trying to do what they need to to make sure we feel ok. You are trying more to make us feel like we are normal.
                                                             ^ (or you don't care that we are different?)